Murphy's Laws of Music

MURPHY'S LAWS OF MUSIC

• Communication Principle
•When a conductor gives students letters for parents:

15% will be left on music stands
25% will be inside the music
15% will rot in instrument cases
15% will be left in lockers
15% will crawl under the student's bed
15% of the parents will receive the letter

• Premature Deafness Ratio
•A conductor's hearing loss is directly proportional to how many percussionists are started each year.

• Murphy's Music Stand Principle
•The music stand you get will wobble

• Lost and Found Principle of Music Folders
    •At least one music folder will be left on a music stand after each rehearsal.
•Corollaries
    •1. It will usually be the same player.
    •2. If it is not the same player, there will be no name in the folder.

• Law of Doors
•The largest of the timpani is always four inches wider than the door to the auditorium.

• Law of Clarinet Squeaks
•Clarinet squeaks always occur in the most exposed sections of the music.

• Murphy's Law of Clapping
•If the audience can clap at the wrong time, they will.

• Left-Right Principle
•At least one person is out of step in any one march.
•Corollary
•It is usually the same person.

• Law of Lost Drumsticks
    •Percussionists will lose sticks.
•Corollaries
    •1. Percussionists always claim the sticks were stolen.
    •2. The lost sticks will be found the day after new ones are bought.

• Murphy's Law on Instruments
•An instrument always breaks at the worst possible time.
•Corollary
•The instrument will belong to a first chair player.

• Law of Selective Operation
    •Brass valves will stick on contest days.
•Corollaries
    •1. They will not stick when the conductor tries them
    •2. They will stick again when the student resumes playing.

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